Just a little over 10 years ago, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up. It was rough, and it wasn’t pretty. It took me a few years to really get over it and to be able to move on, let go and forgive. This particular relationship is the reason why I have been single for a decade…
When I was clear of mind again, completely over that person, I realized how emotionally taxing and how draining the relationship had been. Although I casually dated here and there, it never lasted for more than a date or two. I just never felt any connection to continue seeing them. It was more than obvious that I wanted to be alone- for a long time. And, the longer, the better!
I’ve Being Single For a Decade
Yes, I know it sounds horrible, especially if you’re in a healthy, happy relationship yourself right now. But for the rest of you who are interested, The decision to be single for such a long time has done nothing but good. I have learned so much during this time. Here are the things I have learned about myself, about life, and what I want from it.[1]
You’ll Have All The Time In World For You!
Me time! Between work, family, and my social life, all the time in between is all mine. I have had a chance to reconnect with myself, remember who I am, I have time to reflect, and I have time to rest. I never have to feel pressured to do anything for a significant other because I am all that matters. Being by myself has allowed me to accept and let go. Maybe I am onto something, being single for a decade!
“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”
Mandy Hale
Change is a Good Thing
At first, it was not easy. I was afraid. Change is scary, and you’re never prepared for how drastic it will really be. But, as soon as you’ve accepted it, change becomes good. Suddenly you have a whole new world of possibilities open up! New environments, new people, new places. Once you are ready to adapt, you’ll realize how good change can be.
You Can Focus on What You Love Again
Often, being in a relationship can cause you to put your hobbies, loves, and favorite things on the back burner. Sometimes, your goals are overtaken by wanting to help your partner achieve theirs, or your joint goals become most important. Being single for a decade has helped me remember who I am, what I love, and most importantly, what I want for ME. So I am back to reaching the goals I want for myself and enjoying all the things I love!
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Oscar Wilde
I’m Alone, Not Lonely
A massive reason why people hold onto relationships, even when they aren’t going the way they should, is because they are so afraid of being lonely. This unhealthy form of co-dependence is a reality for so many couples. And it was the case for my last relationship too, which led me to be single for a decade in the first place!
The truth is, I never needed him, and not having him doesn’t mean I am lonely, either. I have friends and family who are always there for me, happy to listen and support me whenever I need it. The best part? There is no guilty or expectancy like I had when I was in a relationship with the wrong person/s.
I Know What I Don’t Want
Being single for a decade is a long time, but it has helped me learn exactly what I don’t want in all aspects of my life. All this time I have had to reflect has shown me what I am worth. When it comes to work and my career, I know exactly where I am going, and I no longer allow people to walk all over me. When it comes to friends and family, I know when to say no, or I can’t help right now. And when the time comes, and I meet someone I want to be with, I won’t settle.
“Being single is about celebrating and appreciating your own space that you’re in.”
Kelly Rowland
In Conclusion
I am happy, and I am becoming more aware. The past 10 years of being single have shown me how to love myself again. It’s been the biggest opportunity to look inwards; it’s given me time for myself and those I love. But most of all, this time invested in me will allow me to be the best person I can for the person I do end up with, all without compromising who I am. Being single for a decade is the best thing I have done for myself.
Single or not, I hope you all can invest in yourselves, learn about yourself, and love yourself before anyone else.
Keep Reading: Why You Should Plan a Trip With Your Mother Every Year
References
- “The Art of Being Happily Single.” Tiny Buddha. C. De Lima.
- “What I’ve Learned after a Decade of Being Single.” The Bolde Italic. Scott Muska. November 29, 2018.
