Money can be the single most dangerous thing to come between your partner and you. It can seriously drive a wedge if you do not set boundaries from the beginning. One person took to the “Am I the Asshole” (AITA) page on Reddit to find out whether she was indeed an ‘a-hole‘ for refusing to pay the bills for her partner. This was after she unexpectedly inherited from her grandfather’s estate when he passed away.
She inherited $ 4 million
The person in question goes by the Reddit handle, throw_709236. She posted in AITA to explain the situation she is currently facing. Her grandfather had passed away a few months ago, and he had left her a sizeable amount of money from his estate. She inherited over $4 million, and she had not expected to inherit anything. In her post, she said that she thought her mom would receive it all.
Throw_709236 decides to quit her job to follow her passion. “After I got over the initial shock,” she wrote. “I took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which I hated), as I don’t have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year.” She then added, “I’m pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art, music, other interests, and gaming.“
The boyfriend wanted her to pay the bills
Things were looking up for her. However, her boyfriend, who lives with her, asked her to pay the rent and other living costs. “Ever since I inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities — about $1,200 a month — for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund.”
The inheritor said she would rather not share finances as they have only been dating for a short while. “I would be happy to do this if we were married, but we’re not. We’ve only been dating a year and a half, and I would prefer to keep our finances separate. Despite not working anymore, I still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great.”
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“Am I the asshole?“
Her boyfriend may have been eager to share finances, but throw_709236 was not. “I told my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my money,” she wrote. “He said I was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when I could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. Am I the asshole?”
One user, u/cwinparr, wrote about the money she is going to inherit from her parents one day. “This is a serious red flag. One of the major issues of relationships is money and he seems to think that what’s yours is his after dating for less than two years. My parents died and I will be getting an inheritance, too. My boyfriend has made it clear that the money is my money. He wants nothing to do with it and even feels uncomfortable if I use it for a down payment on a house if we get married and move in a few years. He feels that any personal money I use for that should be paid back by him in installments. I would be wary of staying with someone who acts so entitled without even a serious commitment — a long-term partnership, kids, marriage, or whatever.”
Another user u/Claim312ButAct847 agreed with the previous comment and said: “You’re not the asshole. And I wouldn’t be real excited about his attitude of wanting to be a kept man already. I could see discussing doing DIFFERENT work but the idea that he should just chill and live off your inheritance? Bad look dude. I have a suspicion the money will last a lot longer than the boyfriend.”
Other users said she should share the money she inherited
A few of the users on Reddit said they feel she should share the inheritance from her grandfather. One user said she wouldn’t feel right asking her partner for money seeing as she had s much. “Lots of people decide on proportional splits, and in the real world of relationships,” said u/abirdofthesky. “If I had $4 million I’d feel uncomfortable asking my boyfriend to struggle to pay $1K of rent.”
User, u/b_rouse, said they can see her boyfriend’s perspective on this and warned her of resentment. “I can understand where the boyfriend is coming from. Imagine if your significant other inherited $4 million and quit their job to pursue hobbies and interests. You work five days a week, coming home to find your significant other playing video games and painting while you’re still expected to pay half the rent and utilities. You’re asking for trouble. There will be resentment with this big of a lifestyle change.”
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Sources
- “AITA for telling my boyfriend he isn’t entitled to my inheritance?” Reddit. February 12, 2020.
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