We have all been there. Needing a friend to give advice, but they do not understand or take our request seriously. Perhaps people have judged you because they can not fathom what you have been through. The fact is until it happens to them, people often can not comprehend certain situations. Yes, it is tough, especially when you need support in a situation; unfortunately, getting support or even just some understanding from people who have never experienced what you have been through can be challenging. You can not expect people to understand something just because you told them about it; people need experience to understand fully.
Breakups
Until it happens to them, people do not understand what it is like to be so in love and then hurt by the very person you put all your trust into. It is easy for someone else to say “get over it” when they have no idea the pain you are experiencing. Until they too find someone they can not bear to lose, they will not understand, nor will they know how to advise you or support you in your time of need.
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Job loss
For many, life is simple. Some have had it handed to them on a platter, while others have been lucky and just landed themselves right in the butter. For others, they have had the opportunity to study, which opens many doors for them. But even these people are not immune to job loss and struggling to find work again. It is a tough world, with tough competition. And, until it happens to them, they will never understand the stress and sleepless nights of not knowing how they will pay their bills.
Death
If you have not lost a close loved one, such as a parent or sibling, child or a partner, or even a best friend, it can be difficult to know the right thing to say to someone who has. This kind of loss is so hard to comprehend until it happens to them. People often say the wrong thing, or it gets awkward because they don’t know the right way to handle your news.
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Your Expectations
One thing we need to understand is that we can not expect people to react or help us. Until it happened to you, chances are, you too did not really know how to react or be supportive when someone in your life dealt with a situation like those listed above. Resenting someone just because they are not responding how you expect them to is never okay, and while it is even harder to relate to others when you are the one going through a tough time, being equipped with this knowledge means you do not have to hold it against them. Until it happens to them, they probably will not really understand what you are going through, which is okay. We need to stop expecting and start understanding. Accept that while you may want more support, your friend might not know how to give it.
When people cannot give us the support or advice we need, we need to remind ourselves to stay strong and understand that they are probably doing as best they can. People give the advice they think is right or offer the support they know how to give, but until it happens to them, they will never be able to be there for you the way you want them to be. It might sound tough to need to be the one who is understanding, but if you are not, you will only end up with resentment for those you are expecting too much from.
Your Acceptance
Remember, every experience you go through is teaching you something. Therefore, until it happens to them, they will not be able to relate fully. Accept the support and love your friends and family do offer you; even if it is less than you need or expect, they too are doing their best, and it comes from a good place. You can use your experience to help them one day, when they may go through something similar because it has happened to you.
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