When we write our new year resolutions, we tend to focus on the thing we will do. For a change, let’s focus on the things we won’t. Let’s resolve not to hang onto dead relationships. It’s time to let go.
Stop giving your time, energy, and effort to those who won’t give back to you. Step away from friends who don’t return your calls, who don’t care about your opinions, and who have no inclination to change. Don’t love people who won’t love you back.
It’s natural to want to be liked by everyone. But that pursuit will only sap your energy and sanity. It could feel painful to break ties, but the short-term hurt will result in long-term happiness. This year, just let go of unhealthy relationships. [1]
Bride Reads Fiancé’s Cheating Texts Instead of Vows
Casey was in love with Alex. After dating for six years, she was certain he was The One. Their relationship was an absolute dream, or so she thought.
The night before their wedding, she received a series of texts from an anonymous source. It was a collection of screenshots with a message that said, “I wouldn’t marry him. Will you?”
The pictures were conversations between Alex and another woman, including selfies. The texts began months ago and continued to that very week.
Casey was shattered. She felt too shocked to confront him right away so she decided to sleep on her decision. When she woke up, she knew exactly what she was going to do. She put on her wedding dress and arrived at the church. The groom and the guests had no idea what was about to happen.
Casey stood in front of the room, took a breath, and told everyone the truth. “There will be no wedding today. It seems Alex is not who I thought he was.” Then she took out her phone and began to read the messages he had sent the other woman.
When she finished, she was crying and Alex had scarpered. Casey turned to her audience full of loved ones and said, “I love all of you, and as horrible as this is I’m glad you all are here. There will not be a wedding reception today, but instead, there will be a celebration of honesty, finding true love and following your heart even when it hurts.” [2]
This story was originally posted on Whimm and there’s been debate on how true it is. However, the message remains the same.
Let Go of People Who Don’t Love You
You don’t need a dramatic awakening like Casey in the story had. It could take some quiet contemplation to realize that you are the only one making the effort in a relationship. Or that the other person only comes to you in hard times, never for the good. They just use your good-naturedness to make themselves feel better, and they won’t help you in return. Like Casey, it’s time to let go of these people and celebrate those who do love you.
Notice how you feel in your relationships. If you feel left out, subtly insulted, disregarded, or often forgotten, that could be a sign of a one-sided friendship. You are there for them in dire circumstances, and yet they seem to vanish anytime you need a favor or someone to have fun with. If the relationship has become all about them, step away. Don’t fear being alone for a while. After all, you feel lonely when you are with them anyway. Allow space for new, positive relationships to enter.
You aren’t being needy to want your friends to give you time and effort. Don’t let your friends’ words convince you they care if their actions say otherwise. Let go of the negative self-talk that says you are unworthy or lacking. It is these friends who are unworthy of you. [3]
How to Let Go
Relationships and friendship don’t always last forever, and that’s okay. If you’ve put in the effort and the other person didn’t, know you’ve done all you could. Now it’s time to end things.
Step 1: Make it clear you won’t hold up the friendship by yourself anymore. The other person needs to put in the effort if the connection is going to continue.
Step 2: Stop contacting them. Even when you miss them or worry about them, stay true to your resolve. If you call them, they will learn that they could continue to use you. If they truly care, they will get in touch with you first.
Step 3: Get support from loved ones. Remind yourself what it’s like to be with people who care about you and want to be around you. Losing a friend can feel like a breakup or even a loss. There will be grief, anxiety, sadness, and anger. Just remember that this pain is temporary, but staying in a bad relationship will only perpetuate the anguish. If the emotions are too intense, or you find yourself struggling to cope, therapy can be very beneficial. A therapist could help you process your feelings and teach you how to create new and healthy friendships. [4]
Above all, you are not responsible for others. You could only change yourself. Stop allowing yourself to be other people’s psychologist, backup, rebound, yes-man, and cheerleader. You deserve to be their friend, and in return, they should your friend as well.
So let go of the people who don’t love you back. And let go of those who make you feel unworthy of love.
Keep Reading: How to love yourself: 10 steps to believing in yourself again
References
- “20 Signs That a Relationship Has Become One-Sided.” Psychology Today. Jill P. Weber Ph.D. December 27, 2019.
- “Woman Receives Screenshots Of Fiancé’s Affair Texts Just Before Wedding, Reads Them Out Instead Of Vows.” Bored Panda. Gerda. 2019.
- “7 questions that’ll help you decide whether or not to break up with a friend for good.” Business Insider. Ellen Hendriksen. June 11, 2020.
- “Beware the One-Sided Friendship.” Healthline. Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST. September 23, 2020.
