Your mom has always been there. From the first time you opened your eyes to the first time you moved from home, your mom has been a constant presence. Even when you as a toddler lagged behind her on a walk to pretend you are by yourself. Even when you as a teenager sulked in your rooms, certain you wouldn’t ever see eye-to-eye with her. And even when adulthood comes, and you attain financial stability, a home, and a family of your own. Mom was always there. Despite how independent you may be, when she’s gone, you realize how much you relied on her.
A mom isn’t your mom because she drove you to the dentist, taught you how to drive, and bought you clothes. She’s your mom because she stayed up with you when you were feeling sick, she instilled her passions into you, and she taught you how to be kind and perseverant. Even through adulthood, you always knew you could turn to her. You may not rely on her chauffeur services, wallet, or ‘adult-know-how’, but you rely on her warmth and encouragement. She’s been rooting for you ever since you took your first wobbly step, and she’ll continue to be your cheerleader and confidant through breakups, illnesses, career mess-ups, and all the ways life goes wrong.
When she’s gone, you realize how much you still need her.
After Mom Passes Away
The worst part is how finite a mother’s death could feel. Yes, you may have gone off to summer camp. You may have lived abroad. You may have lost touch for several years. But you always knew where to find her when you needed her. And she was waiting there for you.
With death, there are no second chances. You may have gotten so used to her presence in your life, there may have been things you’ve never said that you wish you had. You may reflect on all of the things she has done for you and feels overwhelmed that you’ve never repaid her and that you never could even if you had tried.
Mom was always there, an unwavering presence. No matter your age or hers, the bereavement is brutal.
Even if you’ve had a complicated relationship with her, the roller coaster of emotions strikes you in a way you would have never expected. She was your mom, no matter what. Her loss leaves a gaping hole in your life and in your heart. This is especially the case when she leaves before you have the chance to resolve past hurt and trauma. You may feel cheated of a proper resolution, making you feel shocked and resentful. [1]
Your Mom is Your True Friend
You have a lifetime of memories with your mom, so everything will seem to remind you of her. A snowfall reminds you of how much she loved snow days when you got to stay home from school and have fun together. You think of her as you make your bed since she was the one how to fold the sheet just right. Pancakes don’t taste the same, not after she taught you how to make them. You miss her jokes you used to roll your eyes at. Songs and movies you enjoyed together are difficult to return to.
Your mom was your best friend. She was there through every ounce of pain and trouble, and you knew she’d have your back no matter what. She worked hard to give you opportunities to succeed in life. In fact, you may not be aware of all the ways she has helped you. Sometimes the stories come after she has already passed — and you miss her all the more.
Unlike other friends, your mom wouldn’t ever stand you up or ignore your calls when you’re going through a hard time. She won’t be a yes-man to your bad decisions, and she won’t leave when you treat her badly. Your relationship may have bumps but she wants to put in the effort to mend them. You don’t need to worry about her being too busy when you need her.
And you know with absolute certainty that she loves her. Even when she’s gone, her love remains and guides you throughout the rest of your life.
“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever.” Unknown
Losing a mom feels like you are losing a sense of security and identity. Her death marks a drastic change in your life. A change you may not be prepared to make. So be gentle with yourself. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve and come to terms with this new normal. Don’t force your memories away; celebrate them. Do things that remind you of your mom and create traditions to honor and remember her.
Most all, reach out to others. No one would be able to understand exactly how you feel, but a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear can help you cope through this painful, drastic change. [2] Just know that mom will always find ways to be there for you. Her love could never be truly gone.
Keep Reading: Single Dad Adopts Teen Abandoned At Hospital: ‘I Had No Reason To Let Him Go’
References:
- “The Grief of Losing a Parent Is Complex — Here’s How to Start Navigating It.” Healthline. Alex Klein, PsyD. October 13, 2020.
- “Orphaned in Adulthood: Grieving the Loss of Your Parents.” Good Therapy. Deb Del Vecchio-Scully, LPC, NCC, CMHS. March 4, 2016.
